Valentine's Day: couples celebrate with wine and chocolates. Halloween: couples dress up as a duo. Christmas: couples embrace underneath the mistletoe. Engagements: couples are celebrated for their proposed life together. Weddings: couples are toasted to for their committed love.
It's hard to find a holiday that is centered around an individual as a single. While I'm ALL for love and relationships, this post is dedicated to those who feel a little more lonely around Valentine's Day and to those who obsess over finding their Hollywood romance story.
When it comes to love and relationships, I have a tendency to be a little guarded with sarcasm shielding affection away. I also cringe at the word "singleness," so much that I wasn't sure if I wanted to keep the title of this post. However, as I was introduced to Pastor Ben Stuart's sermon "Single" on YouTube, I've learned that "singleness" shouldn't have such a negative connotation. Whether you are Christian or not, he provided a great perspective on being single. His main message is to get your relationship with God right before you can get it right with anyone else, but he also spotlights the benefits that only singles possess (which is what will be focused on within this post).
With the holiday of ~looovvve~ upon us: many obsess over the idea of romantic love while only briefly acknowledging the love we share between family and friends, and we forget to love ourselves. Singles may look at couples and wish they were ordering off the “2 for 1 menu” for more than just themselves. Couples may look at singles and wish that they could do whatever they want whenever they want, and not deal with inevitable arguments that occur within relationships. While society tends to emphasize the limitations of singles and amplify the benefits of relationships, the truth is: singles have the luxury of freedom and an abundance of discretionary time that's not available to others. Singles have even more freedom than a kid running wild on the playground.
Don’t get me wrong. Being single isn’t always a free-spirit feeling, nor is it always a liberating lifestyle. While love is shared between family and friends, and a sense of purpose can be felt through service, being single can get lonely and hard at times. It’s not the easiest to hold your own hand through the hardest of roads; to wrap your own arms around yourself for warmth when the world gets cold; to be your own protector from physical and emotional risks of harm; and to be your own shoulder to lean on at all times. However, your hands fit your own perfectly; your arms know just how tight to squeeze around you; your hands never stop clapping for you; your heart doesn't have hidden intentions; and your shoulders are strong. But it is during this time of the year that not being in a committed relationship can bring on mixed feelings as romantic relationships are more celebrated.
After trying to create love stories from fantasies; searching for meaningful connections in the wrong places; and altogether detaching feelings and settling for less than I deserve, I’ve finally found true peace in the realization that the season of singleness isn’t one to be heartbroken over.
The season of singleness is just that: a season. As the seasons change with Earth’s tilted axis, the seasons of our life change with where we are at in life and with what God has planned for us. Rather than sulking over being single, the freedom and opportunities of being single should be treasured. Being single means that you have no limitations on where, what, and when you pursue something. You can book a plane ticket and move across the world without having to plan for someone else. You can change careers without having to worry about finances being an issue with your partner. You can drink the entire bottle of wine rather than having to split it with someone else. You can spread yourself across the entire bed without a battle over the blankets occurring. You have the freedom to drop what you are doing and choose to do something else. Singles have the freedom to do whatever they want during their free time and spend it with whomever they want. However, I believe that the best way to use this free time is to maximize it by filling it up with things of value. Rather than waiting for "The One", use this time to better yourself and better understand what you want in life. Rather than waiting for a person to love you right, use this time to spread love in the world to others. Be present in the things you love, travel to places you desire, and attempt new hobbies. Whatever you do, use this season to become the love you are looking for in another and the rest will work its way out.
Now take yourself out to eat and shower your own damn self with gifts because you deserve it. This Valentine's Day, don't forget to not only celebrate the love shared with your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife but also the love between your family and friends. And most importantly, love yourself.
XOXO,
Alyssa Ashley
P.S. I hope these gifs made this long post more enjoyable :)